So So So Sorry.

  So there I was, feeling the relief of resignation as I decided it was time to end my day when I realized it was Thursday and I hadn't posted yet.

Crap.

And now I'm more than a little ticked off with myself for not doing this earlier in the day, as I am very tired and very uninspired.

  But there is one subject I'd like to discuss tonight.

 You know those times when everyone around you has a purpose, a gift, an obvious offering to the world to cater to and you sit there with your hands empty? You know there has to be something, but nothing ever seems to work for you. That undefined hollowness in the place accomplishment and fulfillment should live is ever reminding your soul of what you should be. The people out there see something in you that you can never find inside yourself. I feel guilty knowing that they think I could be something when I've shamed it all. 

  Every time someone says I'm smart it just kills me. I don't even want to think about it. It gives them every right to be disappointed in me because I have nothing to prove for it. Never have I gotten great grades, magically know the answers to all their questions, or anything else you would expect a "smart" person to do. All I hear when they say I'm smart is "You have more potential than the others." The worst part is I've got a lot less to say for myself than almost anyone I've ever known. Not only do I not live up to my "smart" title, but I'm socially inept, physically inept, instrumentally inept, and inept in practically any other way possible.

 So many times I've prayed just to know what I could possibly be useful for in reality. The question haunts me day and night, no matter where I am or who I'm with. Well, to this day I still haven't really got a clue, but once I think about it, I realize I can't just assume my destiny will unravel right in front of me.

 This is where the words are escaping me. That just seems like the last few words, but they aren't in concluding format. Well, I'm gonna just let it all go here.

  I'm trying to say sorry to everyone because I'm currently not a very good person. I've also caused much more emotional stress to others than one should and I always only think of myself.

  I'm really sorry I have this blog and I'm sorry I act like life is so hard and I'm sorry none of this makes sense and I'm sorry that I've wasted all that's ever been given to me and I'm sorry I can't stop saying I.

Sorry.