My Escapade of Insanity

 Maybe it's the melancholy in me, but it seems like there's always something there for me to be upset about, and I never fail to swing in and out of my moments about as quickly and agonizingly as a small infant. All that meaning I switch between calm and crazy in the matter of minutes. This also guarantees some pretty strange emotions, some of which arose this very night.

 While I was walking outside today, there was some kind of sadness weighing upon me, the same that usually is.So often do I think about how badly accustomed to this world I am, and how I feel a want for belonging that I can never seem to uncover with all these people so different from me. The same questions plague me every time and yet there's always a new feeling, a new sadness to accompany it.

"Why am I here,God? Why did you ever put me here, or even create me? How am I any use to them? Why am I still alive?" Why, why, why, why and a million more why's. When I get agitated I really just ask, "Why?!"

 Coming inside, I felt like I'd upset myself enough, but I guess I wasn't quite done being upset. I started calling out in some version of gibberish and staggering around, flinging myself around angrily, and crying harder than I had in a long time. Lonely was everywhere and I couldn't really escape this time.

 But I knew I had to stop.

I did all I could think of. I dragged myself to my computer and went to the Owl City blog, arriving to a page entitled "My Hope Is Found". This is where I turned on the cover song Adam did to "In Christ Alone"

Seconds in, I fell in. Deep. I was now bawling even louder than before and collapsing all over my desk in disgustingly dramatic and beautiful surrealism. Half of me was so amazingly astounded that nothing else mattered, and half of me was laughing at the other half.

 Once the song was over, I let out all the rest of the sobs, all of those bittersweet moments that led me to this 

passionately and loudly and painfully and wonderfully iridescent discovery. I then realized, I'd never heard myself cry quite like that before, and I loved it.

  After the escapade of insanity, as I'll call it, there was only one more thing I had to yell to the high Heavens:

“FOR I AM HIS AND HE IS MINE, BOUGHT WITH THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF

CHRIST!”

Thanks, Adam.

  One more thing that I found curious today is that three whole people have visited my blog. I'd like to give the biggest thanks to those three people, even if they probably only got here by accident. I really thought nobody would ever read this stuff.

 Thanks for the everything you've given.