-Lewis Carroll
A quote I can most certainly apply to my own mind.
A few days ago, in geometry class, to be exact, I was considering time travel while everyone else was taking notes. The day before, my mom and sisters were watching "Back to the Future: Part 3" and I told myself that next time I was bored, I should think about time travel and decide on what I believe about it.
So there I was, bored. Up from the depths of my head arises the thought of time travel. I spent a while on the thought, but it somehow doesn't seem so long, considering you know, TIME. It's something that which practically nothing has ever been possible to be proved about. Of my pondering, I've come to these conclusions:
-If you can travel from any one point in time to any other one point in time, there must be an entire universe for every trillionth of a millisecond, every single moment in time.
-If there is an entire universe for every single moment in time, you, as a soul and working mind, would transfer to the next universe automatically an infinite number of times every day.
-If any amount of mass traveled from one unbound universe to another and the theory that "Mass cannot be created or destroyed" is true, a paradox would occur on account that:
-If any amount of mass traveled from one unbound universe to another, both would be destroyed because there would be too much mass in one, and too little in another.
-If a universe was destroyed, it would make all universes collapse.
-A universe is mass, so... If it were destroyed, it couldn't be.
-And in the event of a paradox, the universe is destroyed, which would make an unending chain of paradoxes.
-So, if there's a way to travel through time... It'd kill us all.
-There is nothing that connects all the universes except what moves us through them naturally, making travel impossible until we can harness what moves us.
-There's no way to harness God.
-So... Yeah. It's impossible.
But if it WAS possible:
-A person would be dead at any point in time after their their current origin of soul and mind's time if they die, meaning they'd be dead even if their soul died in the future. I know, it's confusing.
-You couldn't go into the future, simply because it hasn't been determined yet.
Yeah.
Well, now you see just how much of an expanse my mind becomes when I want to escape. This time, I wanted to escape from 10th grade math. Next time, it might be escaping from family, escaping from insecurity, or just plain loneliness. That one seems to be a popular theme. Getting slightly off topic, like I always am, I would like to point out that the things I love the most are the very things that scare me to death.
You were probably just wondering why I said I try to escape from loneliness when I also said that I avoid people. My explanation to you is this: I love people. I really do. They're fascinating to me. The way how they all seem to have their own place in the world is exciting and interesting.
But they scare me.
You heard me. I'm afraid of people. They make me nervous. I don't know what it is. I did, however, come up with the theory that I'm afraid of people because being very melancholy, I am skeptical and over analyze things, including what people think of me. Having it in my mind that nobody would ever not hate the real me, I don't want to take the chance, so I avoid them. And you know how it goes. Lonely. Everybody wants someone. Nobody really wants to be alone. They want someone that they can be alone with. In other words, we all need someone that understands us. I'm in short supply of those.
Other than people, I have love-terror relationships with water, fire, ice, and... Somebody...
Never mind that. Anyway, with that stuff, I just can't stay away, but I have to. Water is dreamy and so fluid, but you can't breathe in it, plus all your senses are slurred and you can't hear or see or smell or speak or move...*shudder* Fire is so untamed and warm and beautiful and changes EVERYTHING, but it burns you. And that's bad. The ice is so cold and brisk and is fun to smash into a million pieces, but... Well... It's uncomfortable to hold, and it just hurts.
And... He...Well, he scares me because I know that a large amount of my overall happiness has been invested in him. So he's kinda almost a threat even though he doesn't mean to be. I think you probably have a pretty good idea of what I mean by all this, but at the same time, you have no idea.
It's not a crush. Just thought I should get that out straight away. To know what it really is, you'll have to understand, I CARE. That's what this is. Caring. If someone thinks they love someone, I always have one question ready for them:
If they hated you, wanted you dead, wished you never existed, would you be bitter, or would you wish that someday, somehow, things would change?
I would say pray for them, but I understand, not everyone prays. But I do, and that's how I'd answer the question. I don't know exactly why this was put into my life, or why him, or why me, but I still take what I'm given with the highest gratitude. What I feel for him is all in good intention.
For some reason I feel like there's something we have in common, like we see the world in the same way. But how could it be that someone like me could be so okay? So secure? So universal? Whatever it is, I feel like someday, somehow, I can channel it right in between us so everything will finally fall a little more in place.
I like to believe these impossible things.
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